Saturday, September 7, 2013

Crack Wine and Stuff

It's 9:54pm and I just poured myself another glass of wine so I might as well type. This is late for me, y'all. Like, super late. And if I am up this late, I'm usually not (still) drinking. It's only my second glass, but still. You see, I'm drinking this wine that has become crack for me and it's the only wine I want and no other kind will do. Cara introduced me to it, it's Picpoul de Pinet Coteaux de Languedoc and I am hooked. Thing is, there's only one place I can find it on the Northshore. They sell it at this little grocery store in Covington that I now go to all the time just so I can get this wine. I buy groceries there too, but I do it just so I'm not rolling up in there with Hayes in the basket buying 2-3 bottles at a time with no food in the cart. But they don't have the best food options, so I end up doing two grocery trips now. I feel like this is sad, but I don't care. Totally worth it.

So the thing that I knew was going to happen started happening. I brought Neal to the airport Tuesday so he could go back to work and Hayes totally noticed that he was gone. And he was not happy about it. He was the fussiest he's ever been on Wednesday. At school, at home...it was awful. And he's still too young to really understand, so I don't know that there's a whole lot I can do about it. I'm prepared to have calendars with stickers and stuff (do kids still love stickers? I did.) for when he gets a little older, but I don't know what to do now. By Thursday he was doing a lot better, but Tuesday afternoon and all day Wednesday were ROUGH. Poor baby. And sometimes when Neal's here and he's sitting in his chair Hayes will crawl up to his feet and Neal will move his toes up and down in his shoes and Hayes laughs and tries to grab them. So yesterday morning Hayes is playing in our closet while I get ready and he grabs Neal's tennis shoe and starts pressing on it where his toes would be. It's a miracle that I didn't start sobbing.

We've been battling over food lately. Some nights he loves everything and other nights he hates everything. He is so fickle when it comes to food. The only things that he will eat no matter what are bananas, cheerios, sweet potatoes, and apple sauce. Everything else is up in the air depending on what day it is. I pureed some zucchini for him one night and he loved it. I tried to give it to him the next night and he wouldn't have it. He has started eating the school lunch when at daycare, and of course he loves everything THEY give him. I think he's more agreeable with food at school than he is at home.

I think we're going to go to the LSU-Auburn game. But I'm worried about leaving him for that long. Neal's parents are coming in and they're great with him, but we haven't left him with anyone at home lately without one of us being there. This makes me nervous. He does great at school, but that's school. It makes my stomach turn to even think about it. I just don't want for him to be looking around wondering where we are. But Neal and I haven't really done anything without him. We went to dinner one night when he was a few months old, but that's it. It would probably be good for us to, but we're so glad to all be together when Neal gets home from work that we don't really care about trying to have 'date night.' But it would probably be good for us to get out together.

On the way back from dropping Neal off at the airport I stopped at the Whole Foods in Metairie. It's the first time I've ever been in that one; it's pretty. I got "feel good chick food" since I was bummed out: chicken salad, crackers, snickerdoodles, Fiji water, and (of course) my crack wine. We really need a Whole Foods on this side of the lake. I'm not putting it past me to drive 60 miles round-trip just to get Sonoma Chicken Salad, but I would prefer if it were closer.

And I'm feeling guilty now because Hayes turns 1 in less than 2 months and....I don't want to have a birthday party. See, we just had him baptized last month and had the whole family over to the house for a party right after to celebrate him. He was just perfect throughout the ceremony and then slept through 90% of the after-party. We had a party here for my sister and her husband earlier in the year and he slept through the whole thing then too. So, I just, I don't know. It's stressful getting my family (and Neal's parents) together and I kind of am not ready to do it again so soon. My Mom can't drive right now because of some health issues(and she's 1000 kinds of crazy right now) so I have to coordinate her transportation over here, which then leads to tension and maybe an argument between her and my aunt (who don't get along) and then we only have one guest room so if my sister comes in then Neal's parents have to get a hotel room (which makes me feel weird) and then my dad's family stays in one room during the party and my mom's family in another and then my mom and her sister avoid each other. Them my mom and Neal's mom fight over Hayes (and it's so awkward),and ....it all stresses me out. If I had been thinking about all of this a few months ago, I should have scheduled his baptism around his birthday and done the whole thing at once. But I didn't and now I don't want to throw a birthday party for my 1-year old and I feel bad about it. I would rather just get a cake and celebrate with the 3 of us. We'll totally do the whole party thing next year, I just don't feel super ready for it right now.

I'm starting to fade since it's past my bedtime and I can't think of anything else I wanted to write about. Maybe I'll remember what else I have to say and it will be super hysterical and I'll post it later this week? Goodnight, bitches.





Friday, June 14, 2013

I only halfway feel like writing this right now, but I'm on my second Stella beer so I'm going to try it out.

There's this episode of How I Met Your Mother where everyone gets freaked out about change so Ted says, "Who want to go down to our same old bar, sit in our regular booth, and order the usual??!!!!" That statement right there describes Neal and I...and now, it also describes Hayes. Our sweet boy is a creature of habit, just like his parents.

He's on week 4 of sleeping in his crib. Solid food in the high chair around 6/630, bath in between 630/7, bottle by 7/715. Bedtime is 730/745. And I put him down awake, he rolls around for a bit, and then he just goes to sleep. It's incredible. And I would say that for the past 4 months he's been waking up in between 4 and 5am, so I would nurse him and then put him back to sleep until 630/7. I don't know what happened, but a couple of days ago he didn't wake up at 4 and slept until 630. And then it happened the next day and the next. And again today. CRAZY, right? But since tomorrow is Saturday, he'll probably wake up super early again.

I haven't nursed him since yesterday morning. I stopped pumping about a month ago and was just nursing him after work and first thing in the morning. Then he stopped being interested in the after-work nursing session, so I cut it out. And since he started waking up at 630, I just give him a bottle at that time when he wakes up. I'm a little sad, but it's all good. Today when we got home from work/school we just sat in the recliner together and chatted and cuddled. It was still good bonding, you know?

Being on the internet right now is probably costing a million dollars. We got this ATT wireless hotspot deal b/c they don't offer ATT DSL or whatever services out here yet. We're only a block off of where their lines are set up, which is ridic. And I REFUSE to get some country bumpkin satellite web service like HughesNet, so we have to deal with this wireless hotspot, which is garbage. You use of 5GB's in no time. Like, I decided I needed a summer show to watch so I started watching Scandal. I watched Season 1 on Netflix, but I had to buy Season 2 on iTunes. I downloaded one episode and it used up all of our GB's. GARBAGE, I tell you.

I made an effort and ran on the treadmill the past two nights. I did two miles each time and it wasn't that difficult...probably b/c I haven't had a cig since March 2012. So while it wasn't hard to do, do you know what the problem is now? And I'm just throwing it out there....bladder leakage. Like, I peed before and not much came out. But I got on that thing to run and fucking waterfall. Now I know that every pregnancy article/book/email/yoga video tells you to do your kegel exercises. And I think I did some, but obviously not enough. Thank goodness I was on a treadmill in my house and not at the gym.

And can we talk about hair loss? What little hair I had left after he was born, Hayes has pulled out. My hair is thin and there is a little bald spot around my part near my ginormous forehead. It was also super flat too. Totally gross. I got a haircut last week which has helped some, but it's still such a huge difference from my always awesome, I-don't-need-to-wear-a-ponytail pregnancy hair.

But you know, there's not much that is as satisfying (and I'm not being sarcastic here, I'm totally serious) as putting your baby to bed at night, sitting down in the living room (after laundry, dishes, and pick up) to actually watch something on tv, having a cocktail, and looking around at all the baby toys in your house. It's just a good feeling.

He's still everybody's favorite at daycare. When we walk into the school in the mornings, we have to stop to say 'hi' to like 3 different teachers before we get to the infant classroom. He smiles and flirts with all of them.

Poor baby has had ear infections and respiratory infections up the wazoo. The doc just put him on another round of antibiotics to try and get rid of the fluid in his ear. He will send us to an ENT, but he wants to make sure that we can't get rid of them without tubes. I've never had an ear infection in my life, but Neal has had a million. Genetics, no? He's also on zantac for reflux. And zyrtec for allergies (again, Neal has had allergies his whole life.) Too much medicine.

The day Neal left this week I was heating up green beans in the microwave when it started to make noises and then there was a funny smell. I am too scared to try it again b/c I really don't want it to blow up, so I have to wait until Neal gets home to deal with it. I can't just buy a new one and replace it b/c this one is installed above the stove in the cabinet area. So here are my options....1. Buy a cheap, small microwave for the next 2 weeks. or 2. Don't eat any food that requires microwaving. I am going to try to go with option #2. I'm not sure if this is possible or not, but we'll try to work around it. I'll be heating lots of things up on the stove and in the oven the next two weeks. Challenge accepted!

We booked a house in Bay St. Louis for a weekend next month just so we could get away for a couple of days. I was hesitant about spending the money to go to Gulf Shores or FL when we probably wouldn't be able to spend too much time on the beach with him (naps, feedings, and the fact that he has my skin color could be an issue), so we booked a little historic home in Bay St Louis that's a block away from the beach. That way we can go, but it's a lot cheaper than getting a condo, it's only 45 minutes away from home, and there's other stuff we can do besides just spend all day at the beach. It has a screened in porch and a yard, so hopefully it will be cute and nice and relaxing.

I could go on more about the clusterfuck that is my job or other stuff, but I think I'll just stop here and go to sleep since it's after 10pm. Nighty night, bitches.




Friday, March 22, 2013

You'll Never Be Bored Again

Do people still blog anymore? Is it still cool to talk about how easy/breezy/covergirl and pinterest-worthy your life is? Well, whatevs because this post will be all about the hot mess we've got going on over here.

When I was pregnant I was talking to one of the girls at work and I said something about being bored when Neal was at work. She looked at me and said, "Oh honey, after this baby comes you'll never be bored again." And holy shit if she wasn't right.

He just made 20 weeks this past Tuesday and he is the most wonderful, beautiful, sweet little thing I've ever come across in my whole life. I am slightly obsessed with him and I plan on getting an apartment with him when he goes to college. (Not really. I'll get an apartment a few block away from where he lives.)

So all those things I said I would never do or say or whatever...I've done them all. See below list:

1. "He won't sleep in the bed with me, ever." - Hahahahahahaaha! This still makes me laugh. When he first came home and he wouldn't sleep unless I was holding him I probably made it two days before I figured out I could get some sleep if he was sleeping right next to me. But as of lately, the only time he sleeps in the bed with me is on the weekends if he gets up early and I really, really want to sleep in. I can usually get him to go back to sleep if we snuggle. Plus, he smells like Johnson's Baby Shampoo and love.

2. "Breastfeeding - 3 months tops." - So here we are at 5 months and I'm still breastfeeding. But I totally did start supplementing with formula when he started daycare. I was so stressed about not being able to pump enough that I decided to just do it. He takes both just fine. I am, however, going to stop breastfeeding altogether in the next 4 weeks. And I'm sad about it? I didn't know I would be. I think that if I were a stay-at-home mom that I would keep it up for a lot longer. It's just that I hate pumping. I will miss breastfeeding though because the mom-baby bonding aspect is so nice.

3. "I'm getting on birth control as soon as possible." - I got a prescription and took it for about 2 weeks before I stopped. I was so concerned about my milk drying up that I stopped taking it. So Neal has to go to the drugstore to by condoms now like a boy in college. And we've talked about it and I think we're both concerned that, when we're ready to try for #2, that it could take longer if I get back on the pill. So no birth control for me.

4. "We have to have a second one so I can have a girl." - If we're lucky enough to have a second baby, I want another boy. This contradicts everything I've ever said about wanting a girl.

5. "He'll be sleeping in his crib by 3 months." - Nope. Still in our room in his rock-n-play sleeper. Because do you know what acid reflux does to babies? It makes them scream lots and lots when you lay them down flat on their backs. He's on Zantac which helps a LOT. And that Rock-N-Play sleeper was a gift from the heavens. He hated the pack and play, hated the nap nanny, and hated his crib. Know what he didn't hate? The rock-n-play. But I am a little nervous about putting him to sleep in his crib overnight. I'll put him in there to nap on the weekends and he's doing better in it. They've been putting him to sleep in his crib at school and he's been doing okay there too. I hope to have him in his crib overnight in the next few weeks.

6."We don't need a video monitor. I'll stare at it too much and won't sleep." - Just ordered one this week. I don't think I can put him in his room overnight without it.

7. "I'm going to use the Babywise sleep training method." - Again, nope. Didn't work for us. The colic/reflux made it too hard. And then I got too focused on the clock instead of his hunger signals and he ended up not gaining enough weight, which was totally my fault. So while he does sleep through the night now, it doesn't happen every night.

8. I've made so many comments about overbearing, helicopter, worry-wart parents and how I wouldn't be on of them. Let's just say that it's good that he's in daycare otherwise I think I'd accidentally turn him into a shy, introverted, mama's boy.

9. " I can't wait until I can start running again!" - I can count the number of times I've run since he was born on one hand. We even bought a treadmill. But shiiiiitttt, by the time I get him to bed at night and then clean up and do laundry and whatever else....I'm SO freaking tired that I can barely muster up the energy to shower. Because I have to get up at 530am to either nurse him and get us both ready and be out the door around 7 or to pump and get ready and then feed him and be out the door around 7. I've become an afternoon coffee drinker, too. But since it's been light out later I've at least taken him for some walks outside after we get home. But he won't be entertained by anything long enough for me to run on the treadmill while he's awake. I could probably manage it when Neal's home, I just need to make it a priority. I've lost most of the pregnancy weight, but some of my clothes still don't fit because things have "shifted." Like, there are bulges where there weren't before. And let's not even talk about my boobs.

10. "I want a c-section." - You know, I was so terrified of child birth; and it really wasn't that bad. I mean, the contractions were horrific. But after I got the epidural, it was a whole new ball game. And I only pushed for about 30 minutes. I had ridic blood pressure issues afterwards (magnesium drip = crack), but other than that it was manageable. And that day...I mean, WOW. I keep two pictures on my phone from the day he was born so I can look at them all the time. It was just the most fantastic thing I've ever experienced.

There are about a million other things that I wish I would have known or done differently or whatever, but so far we're making it. I love, love, love his daycare. They call him "golden boy" because he's so chill. I was so worried that he was going to be the fussy baby, but they say they wish all their other babies were like him. (They may tell that to all of the moms, but I'll pretend like they only tell me that.)

So work is work now. I'm glad to be working, but what goes on there is not nearly as important to me anymore. I don't have time to worry about it at night, so it doesn't phase me like it used to. And it is harder when Neal's gone, but we manage.

And the "mommy" brain??? By Thursday each week, I am constantly making careless mistakes. I forget things almost immediately. I can't speak in complete sentences. I repeat myself all the time. Everyone at work thinks its hilarious, but I worry about my ability to function sometimes.

A week before I went back to work I went to Mandeville to run some errands. I was stopped at a drug store and when I went to get his stroller out the back of the car I realized I was parked a little crooked and was kind of on the line of the parking spot. I said 'screw it' and got him out of the car and put him in his stroller. It was at that point that I looked at my Acadia parked crooked in the parking spot in the middle of the day on a weekday in Mandeville with diapers in my purse and a baby in a stroller and I thought, "FUCK. I'm one of 'them' now. I'm a fucking mom."

But I still say that I will NEVER put the name of my kid on a sticker on the back window of my car.