On the Hoof

The Hubs is Hilarious
I was talking to Neal last night and he was telling me about stuff that was going on at the rig. There is a woman who works out there as a mudlogger. From what I understand, a mudlogger lives in a trailer on the rig location and works 24/7 testing mud while the crew is drilling the well. It is pretty unusual for a woman to work in the oil field and Neal said, "You have to see this woman." He started describing her and said, "She's about 350 on the hoof and wears more plaid than any man I've ever known." He said that she had borrowed his screwdriver and hadn't returned it yet and that he was too scared to go ask for it back.

He said "on the hoof" and I just lost it. I could not stop laughing. Apparently "on the hoof" refers to cattle or deer and what they weigh standing up. I start laughing everytime I think about it. I keep picturing this massive, animal-like, redneck woman dressed in plaid, with hooves.

I went to church this morning and this very large woman came and sat right next to me. I would say she was about 300 on the hoof. When it was time for shaking hands/peace be with you I shook her hand and then reached behind her to shake her husbands hand. Sometime after I shook his hand, her ass and my hand collided. I don't think she felt anything, but I can't be sure. Then I started thinking about "on the hoof" again and I started laughing. While in church. Going to hell in a handbasket.

Wait, What Was That Again?
Also in church, the choir was singing a song and I could have sworn the refrain was "I know Jesus's name is Anthony." I didn't think that made much sense at all. I mean, I've never read the bible in its entirety, but I'm pretty sure he never goes by "Anthony." I listened a little more and realized they were singing "I know Jesus has laid his hands on me." That made much more sense. But I've always had trouble understanding song lyrics when they are being sung. Anyone who knows about my cousin and I singing "What's love cock a do, cock a doodle do" instead of "What's love got to do, got to do with it" when we were kids knows this about me.