36 Weeks

Today. I am 36 weeks today. Finally. I'm scheduled to be induced on my due date, which is November 13th. We planned it that way so that Neal can come home from work a few days early and then I don't have to worry about calling my Dad in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital because my water broke. Hopefully, anyway. Because things always work out the way you plan them to...am I right??? And if the Tigers keep playing these close games like they have been, I may not make it to Nov 13th. Can stress from SEC football games cause labor? I bet it can.

I start getting "checked" on Monday. I won't be surprised if she wants to take him early though, because she kept telling me that I was running out of room for him to grow. Well NO SHIT, doc. I keep thinking about that scene in Austin Powers where he's all "I'm in a nutshell" and he starts acting like he's literally curled up in a nutshell and this is what I imagine Hayes looks like. I can feel him in every edge of my stomach.

Everything's ready. The nursery is ready, all of his clothes and sheets and towels etc have been washed in baby-friendly detergent. I finally sent all my thank you notes out last weekend. And I'm doing my best to wrap up all my shit at work so that my co-workers don't go insane while I'm out.

So other than that, I've been busy:
1. Watching and obsessing over Homeland.
2. Drinking apple juice like a 5 year old.
3. Taking Zantac.
4. Stretching out the stomach in all of Neal's t-shirts.
5. Buying grandma underwear that are 3 sizes bigger than what I actually wear.(Only way they're comfortable.)
6. Not sleeping at night.
7. Wondering if I'm bi-polar or if it really is just 3rd trimester hormones.
8. Being more worried about work than the baby. Then being more worried about the baby than work. It goes back and forth.
9. Hating my ugly flats from Target but wearing them every day anyway because fuck it, I need to be comfortable.
10. Wondering how long I'm actually going to breastfeed.
11. Praying that Hayes is a sleeper like his Dad.
12. Preparing for the grandparents to completely ignore our babywise schedule.
13. Peeing. All the time. Like, I should work and sleep in the bathroom.

Hurricanes and Contractions

I woke up super early last Tuesday morning because I was supposed to go staff the Parish's special needs shelter for the storm (it's part of my job). But instead of going to the shelter, I had Neal take me to the ER because I was having some problems. Turns out that I was having contractions at 29 weeks. I wasn't dilated at all, but they were still real contractions. They gave me some Procardia to take "as needed" to stop them, told me to stay off my feet for one week, and drink lots and lots of water. I started to feel better a few days later until our power went out at the house. The power stayed off for 3 days, so we went to my Dad's for a bit. I ended up in the hospital again Sunday because I was having more contractions. This time they were 2 minutes apart, but I still wasn't dilated. So they told me to take the Procardia every 6 hours, no matter what, and drink 8 - 10 bottles of water a day. I went back to work Tuesday and, so far, I've been okay. Thank God all of this happened while Neal was home.

I saw a specialist Tuesday morning to have an ultrasound (I have a two-vessel umbilical cord that can sometimes be a sign of problems) but Hayes is perfectly fine. He's already measuring 3.4lbs and is still baking. I'm 30 weeks, and hopefully I can make it a few more.

We were supposed to have our Baskin baby shower last weekend but we cancelled it because of the storm. I-55 was shut down for a while and so was I-10 around LaPlace, and I-12 was a mess. Traffic was ridiculous so we decided not to go up there for the weekend.

Last week was just a mess all around. I forgot how sucky it is to have to deal with hurricanes and all the aftermath, even for just a category one. It takes forever for everything to feel normal again, especially when you're 7.5 months pregnant.

But anyway....a girl at work has been on the lookout for some brown riding boots for me and she found a cute, cheap selection on Charlotte Rousse's website. I got a pair on sale for $28.00. I'm sure they're not super high quality, but they should get me through the season. I'm ready for some cooler weather so that I can live in leggings, boots, and tunics until I give birth. I am soooo over pants right now.

Same girl at work asked me if I watched the DNC last night and I said, "well, no, I was sort of watching the MTV VMA's." I know, I should be embarrassed. I didn't watch the RNC either. I think I'm disenfranchised.

You see, I don't think I identify with the Republican party anymore. I just find them so hypocritical. They use Christianity and Jesus as a platform and then hate others so vehemently when...didn't Jesus teach people to love one another, not judge anyone else, and care more about others than yourself? And while I am Catholic, I strongly believe in the separation of church and state. I think each individual should use their religious beliefs as a guide as to how they should behave in their own lives and toward others....they shouldn't force their beliefs on other people. Listening to a bunch a tea partiers talk about how Obama is a Muslim and wasn't really born in the U.S. does nothing for me. All they want to do is scare people and it just pisses me off.

But I'm not quite a Democrat either. I believe in smaller government, but I do realize that not everyone can be rich. It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Some people can work full-time, have 1 or 2 kids, and still not be able to make ends me without assistance from the government. And I'm okay with that. I help poor people for a living. You can't have safety-net programs without having to help people that manipulate the system along with people who are in genuine need of the assistance.

So I'm thinking about becoming an independent. For now, I think that's how I would identify myself. Until the R-pubs stop giving a shit about gay marriage and Planned Parenthood and focus more on the economy I just don't think I can blindly vote for them anymore.

So Where Were We?

Oh yeah, I was probably getting drunk somewhere fun, during the daytime, with my husband. And now I'm seven months pregnant and spend the majority of my time, when I'm not at work, laying on the couch either talking to the baby, complaining, or snoring and drooling all over my excess 20 pounds. The times, they are a changin', no?

I know what you're thinking....your baby boy already weighs 20 pounds???? Well, not exactly. I was doing really great at first. I gained around 5 pounds during my first trimester and then, sometime after that, it got out of hand. I was telling Cara that I was all "how did this happen?" and then I remembered the cookie cake I bought from Winn Dixie for me, myself, and I. And then it was like hmmmmm, maybe I should stop doing things like that. So I have started watching it the past two weeks. I'm still eating plenty, don't worry. I just make better choices about what I shove into my mouth, that's all. I went back to the doc yesterday and had only gained 7 ounces in two weeks, so I'm good with that.

Work has been an absolute mother fucking beast. Before I was all "yeah, I'm not going to take off the full 12 weeks. I'll probably get bored and blah blah blah." But now? Those assholes can suck it for the full 12 because that's how long I'm going to be gone. And besides, the daycare that we are sending Hayes to doesn't take the wee be-be's until they're 12 weeks, so I have to stay home the full 12 anyway. This means that I will have to work until he's crowning, but that's okay. I sit at a desk all day, so it should be cool.

I guess this is the part where I brag about my A-MAH-ZING husband (and I'm being sarcastic here b/c I hate it when girls describe their {insert object here} as AMAZING.) But really, he has been great. Cooking and cleaning the house and painting the nursery and siding with me over his mother and just really, really great. He's going to be the cutest dad eva'.

I do miss running, I miss drinking, I miss my Starbucks habit, and all that stuff. But don't for a minute think that I am not 100% thrilled about bringing Stephen Hayes Mahoney into our lives. I am so ready for him to be here and I can't wait to meet him. I mean, at least once a day I think back to the morning when I got the positive pregnancy test and I woke Neal up crying and holding this stick with two lines on it covered in my urine. Like, I never thought it would happen. It was so surreal and now I just can't wait to meet Sweet Baby Hayes and I'm sort of worried that I'm never going to let anyone else hold him.

And yes, Pero has given me her copy of Babywise and I am jumping on that bandwagon STAT. But I feel like I should be taking notes while I read it b/c I'm pretty sure I'm going to forget it all by the time the baby arrives.

So that's where we are now! Later y'all!

TMI

I went to the old Hobb Lobb (I'm trying out a nickname) Monday when I was off. I needed some plate/bowl hangers so that I could hang our 4 Tabasco gumbo bowls on the wall in kitchen. I figured that I might as well hang them because we have used them once. I don't want to put them in the dishwasher because they are so adorable that I don't want them ruined and I absolutley refuse to handwash anything, so they've been in the cabinet for the last year or so. While I was there I checked out everything in the Mardi Gras aisle and there was an adorable Mardi Gras wreath made out of purple, green and gold ornaments. It was 59 f-ing dollars. Like, WHAT? I only considered buying it for about a minute and thirty seconds (it was so cute) before I realized that I have a hard time spending $59 on a pair of jeans that I will keep for 7 years. Now I know that I can probably attempt to make this wreath, but I see it going very badly. But I may still give it a go anyway. Yikes. Anyway, I was checking out with my 4 bowl hangers and I was in line behind the biggest, angriest, piece of shit on the face of the planet. He started berating the poor checkout girl because he thought he was buying some item on sale when, in fact, it was not on sale. So he yells for the manager and tells her that the checkout girl was giving him attitude and then he stormed out. The checkout girl then runs to the back to (I'm assuming) cry. So before I leave I go up to the manager and tell her that the checkout girl didn't do anything wrong and that the guy was just an asshole. And then I felt bad about saying the word "asshole" because I'm pretty sure that everyone who works in HL is super religious because they all look like characters out of Big Love.

Then yesterday I was in a meeting and we were discussing something that we needed more info on so I decided to google it on my phone. Thank goodness no one was looking over my shoulder because my search history popped up and the word "vagina" was definitely in there. But that's life when you're trying to get preg....you feel something weird and you're all like, hmmmmmm I wonder if.... and then you google it and then it's in your iphone search history forever and I should never ever try to search anything on my iphone again in a meeting.

So I listen to a lot of rap when I run in the mornings and sometimes I like to try out the lingo. There's this one song where Kanye West says, "that shit cray." I try to say this sometimes, instead of "wow, that's crazy" and Neal just shakes his head and tells me that I can't make it work and I need to stop trying. But now I think it's too late because the word "cray" comes out of my mouth before "crazy" does. I don't know why I think I can pull this off. I am almost 32 and I have some gray hairs and I can remember when my old boss would tell me a story and say "But that's TMI, right?! right?!" and I wanted to punch her in the face for being such a loser and now I'm doing it too.

Nosy Nosy Neighbor (Me)

The pimp of our neighborhood is my 60-something year old neighbor. She is a retired teacher but she still works part time. Over the past year, I've seen her go out with a bunch of different dudes. I guess she finally found one she really liked, because his truck is at her house 7 nights a week. When the in-laws were in town, Marilyn was all "Um, your neighbor had a friend over. His truck was at her house early. Like, real early." So they're totally shacking up. Play on, playa'.

Our other next door neighbors are out of town all week. They went on a week long trip to Alaska, so he asked me to keep an eye on their house while they're gone. So of course I took an inventory of all the toys in their back yard to make sure that none go missing. I take my job as nosy neighborhood look-out totally seriously.

Neal left for work Tuesday so he'll miss both New Year's and the National Championship game. SUCKS.

I got a sewing machine for Christmas, but I haven't opened the box yet. I guess I need to learn how to sew now? It makes me think of that episode of the Cosby Show when Denise sews a shirt for Theo that is supposed to be a replica of this designer shirt that his parents wouldn't give him the money to buy. It was all jacked up with one sleeve shorter than the other and the buttons all out of whack. This is exactly how I picture my sewing projects turning out. I can see me in tears with Neal going, "Baby, it looks GREAT!"

I went to Houma today with Mom and the fam to visit my grandparents. I stopped at the ATM to get some money for the bridge toll so when I got to the toll booth I gave the lady a twenty. She looks at me and goes "got anything smaller?" I'm like, "No, sorry, that's all I've got." She then gave me the dirtiest freaking look and handed me my change. Ummmm BITCH. My coworker was telling me that she was going across the bridge one morning and got in the toll tag lane. When she got to the booth, she realized that her mom had taken the toll tag out of her car and she didn't have it with her. She had cash with her, but the toll bitch wouldn't take it. She shut down all the lanes Coyote Ugly style and made her exit the toll way and get back in line. I am 99.9% sure that this is the same hag that gave me the attitude today. I don't expect toll bitches to be thrilled with their lot in life, but COME ON.

My other coworker Cindy made some cookies around Christmas and gave some to all of us to take home. She told me that they were "ricoytcha" cheese cookies (I'm pretty sure she meant ricotta cheese). Neal tried one before I did and he took one bite and made the funniest face I have ever seen right before he said "they taste like feet" and spit them out. I decided not to sample them.

It's like 70 degrees outside right now, so I'm not feeling like it's New Year's. My azaleas are blooming too??? It just seems wrong. Our tree is still up and while I play like I'm going to take it down soon, I will probably wait for Neal to get home. But it's almost time for Mardi Gras decorations!!! And king cake!!! Whoop whoop! Happy New Year's y'all and Geaux Tigers!!!

So I Creep, Yeeeaaahhhh

Just keep it on the down low. Said nobody's supposed to knoooooow.

Sorry, I just heard TLC's 'Creep' on the radio. No lie, I still jam that shizzz.

I read The Help forever ago but I just decided to watch the movie yesterday. So I knew the story, I knew what was going to happen, I knew it all. And I still cried at the end. I hate crying at movies, I really really do. But it was just so sad and happy and emotional that I couldn't help it. Ha - no pun intended. And why are white people such privileged racist assholes sometimes? It's embarrassing (even when it's in a fictional movie).

And I guess I haven't updated y'all on Olivia..well, she's at home, back at school and she seems to be doing okay. She keeps herself occupied and sober while hanging out with friends and going to play laser tag and going to the movies and stuff like that. She knits a lot too; I think it's therapeutic for her. She's still as quirky as ever and she works for Dr. Bob (the artist - you know, the 'Be Nice or Leave' guy) on the weekends. So all in all, she's pretty good. She turns 18 in April which is just unbelievable. I think she'll find her niche somewhere and she will be just fine.

Target at 8am Saturday was empty and wonderful. I got out of there with everything I needed in less than an hour and then had to go to Best Buy. I was one of the people sitting in my car waiting on Best Buy to open at 9. I felt old. Like, when did I become this person that sits outside of a store at 855am on a Saturday waiting for it to open? I also went to World Market which seems to be where they are hiding all of the Abita Wheat beer. Abita Wheat is my fave, but I forgot it was seasonal. They took it off of the tap at the Brew Pub and it is nowhere to be found at any grocery store in or around the Abita Springs area. So for whatever reason, World Market is the Abita Wheat hoarder of south Louisiana.

Over the past few months, I have sat in on meetings with some healthcare executives. There was this one guy who was not very pleasant and pretty abrasive, but his ass was kissed by everyone because he was important. He ended up getting into some legal trouble and was fired and he has had to do some community service as part of his punishment. Last weekend I was cleaning out closets so I got a bunch of stuff together and brought it to the Habitat ReStore to donate. This person in shabby clothes walks up to me and asks if I needed help getting the stuff out of my car and I recognize him as this former VIP that has gone from being feared and appeased to being forced to volunteer at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. I was shocked. His fall from grace was quick and ugly. I mean, it was soooo a reminder that you should never treat people like shit, act entitled, or abuse your current position in life because it could all go away in a flash.

Neal gets home Wednesday and we get two whole days together before his family comes in town Friday for the whole weekend. Lawdy lawdy it's going to be a busy week.

It's The Little Things, Y'all

I got a mini heater from our office supply catalogue and it is making my life. I no longer have to wear my coat while I'm sitting at my desk working.

If anyone ever looked at our online bank account, they would notice that for two weeks a month the most frequent, repeat purchases are at the Covington Starbucks and the Dairy Queen of Yorktown, TX. There is only one 'restaurant' within a 20 mile radius of Neal's rig, so it's DQ for dinner most nights. And while I tried to give up my Starbucks habit, it didn't quite pan out. So every morning when I log in to our bank account to check the balance and transactions, there are always those two charges right there in the pending transaction section. Becuase neither one of us carries cash. EVER.

I just payed our first property tax bill last night. And I was excited about it for two reasons: 1. Because it means we own a home; and 2. Because we can pay the bill. Growing up I lived in a rental house. My parents owned a home for about 1.5 years before they got divorced, and from then on out it was all rentals. And of course money was always a big problem and my mom never let us forget it. We didn't come from a place where the parents hid the problems and didn't tell the kids about them, we were always totally aware of the financial issues. And because kids are sometimes victims of their upbringing, part of me thought that I would have those same kinds of experiences all throughout my life. And I definitely went through some rough times when I was in my early 20's and I was about the worst money manager that you could ever imagine. But I've learned from all my mistakes and so just that Neal and I both have jobs and we work hard and have health insurance and we own a house and have vehicles and can pay our bills....it makes me happy and I feel very fortunate. It's the little things, y'all.

Anyway, country is coming to town next weekend. The in-laws and Neal's sister and her kid will be at our house from Friday through Sunday. My work Christmas party is Friday afternoon from noon to three, so I will more than likely be a little tipsy when I get home Friday afternoon. This makes for great entertainment, I promise. Marilyn texted Neal last week and asked him what kind of perfume I wear, so he told her Dolce and Gabbanna - Light Blue. He then went on for about 5 minutes into all sorts of scenarios about how she will pronounce 'Dolce and Gabbanna' when she asks for it at the department store. This was comedy gold. I soooo wish I had recorded it.

I have a nice, modest garland wreath with a red bow on our door, and that's it for our outdoor Christmas decorations. A lady in our neighborhood put up the biggest, tackiest, colored lights on the outside of her house. I'm thinking of cutting letters out of magazines and pasting them on the paper (like ransom notes in movies) that say something like "Yo' Shit Is Tacky" and leaving it in her mailbox. But I think she'll probably figure out it's from me considering the face I make every time I drive by her house.

I have to do all of my Christmas shopping this weekend which means I will be fighting the overdressed, yat-ed up bitches in Target and everywhere else I have to go. And our pest control guy put a crimp in my plans because he's coming to spray the house sometime between 10 and 12 Saturday morning, so now I have to be home at that time. Maybe I'll go to Target at like 7am while all the yats are sleeping off their skinny-girl cosmo and white zinfandel hangovers.